Step 2: Process Your Painful Emotions Effectively

Once you identify what you are feeling, you can start to process these emotions.

Your emergency tool kit for getting yourself into a better head space is the key to unlocking effective emotional coping.

The following skills are part this emergency kit starting on page 22 of How to Survive an Affair.

• Breathing

• Distracting yourself

• Taking care of yourself

• Talking it out with a friend

• Getting out of the house or office

• Exercising

When you feel yourself getting buried in your emotions, use any of these techniques to help you cope with them more effectively so you can move on with your life and the work you need to do in rebuilding your relationship.

I will be highlighting portions of the 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan in the next few blog posts.
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Step 1: Get in Touch with Your Pain

More excerpts from 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan:

PHASE I HIGHLIGHTS:

For the Injured (How to Survive an Affair addresses both the injured and the cheater)

Step 1: Get in Touch with Your Pain

It is possible to stop feeling what you are feeling right now, but you can’t run away from your feelings; you have to go through them.

To give you a head start, you will likely face the following eight heart-wrenching emotions when you are confronted with the knowledge of the affair:

(These are explained in detail on pages 18-21 of How to Survive an Affair)

• Betrayal                     • Vengefulness

• Guilt                         • Fear

• Disappointment         • Frustration

• Anger                        • Paranoid Feelings

Defining your emotional responses to the affair empowers you to take action and to overcome these difficult emotions so you can heal. You have to know what you are feeling before you can effectively cope with your feelings.

I will be highlighting portions of the free PDF Report 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan in the next few blog posts. Receive the full report.

Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Healing and Sorting through Emotional Problems

Excerpt From: 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan

Phase 1: Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Healing and Sorting through Emotional Problems

Phase I is all about you. And when I say you, I mean whoever is reading the book. This phase (as well as most of the book) will focus primarily on the injured because he or she is the one who has the most emotional turmoil to work through. However, there are specific sections in this phase for both the injured and the cheater. The cheater will probably benefit from reading the injured person’s sections and the injured person will probably benefit from reading the cheater’s section, although it is not necessary.

When people are affected by infidelity, their first instincts are to look for reasons that the affairs happened. They want to know the details of the affairs. They want to know why their loved one did what they did. They want to know if they will ever be able to trust their partner again.

This is what Dr. Gunzburg calls “externalizing.” Externalizing means that people are looking outside of themselves for answers to emotional issues that are happening within them. When you first start working on your relationship after an affair, the first thing Dr. Gunzburg teaches you inside his program is how to look within yourself.

You need to stop trying to figure out the other person; you need to be honest about your own thoughts and feelings concerning the affair; and you need to shift your perspective from the outside to the inside, from the external to the internal.

Not only will Phase I help you take a good honest look at what is going on for you, it also will give you a lot of concrete strategies that will help you cope with and overcome your troubling thoughts and feelings.

Rest assured; inside Dr. Gunzburg’s program you will get to the other things you are worried about. We will look outside as well. We will ask the hard questions. But first you need to look within. That’s what Phase I is all about.

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