7 Steps To Rebuilding Your Self-Confidence, Self-Trust, and Self-Respect

Step 5: Rebuild Your Self-Confidence, Self-Trust, and Self-Respect

When you are wronged in an affair, you often lose your sense of self-confidence, self-trust, and self-respect. Overcoming your negative thoughts and feelings is an important step in rebuilding these vital aspects of your character. Section 2 is about rebuilding them.

Through this exercise, you will regain what self confidence you lost when you discovered the affair.

Here are the seven areas that Dr. Gunzburg will walk you through starting on page 35 of his program.

1. Assuming personal responsibility.

2. Accepting reality.

3. Doing things that satisfy you emotionally and spiritually.

4. Reminding yourself of past successes.

5. Envisioning future success.

6. Reframing failure.

7. Taking confident action.

Using these keys you will unlock any love and respect you might have lost, so you can fully heal and move on after an affair to a happier life and a better relationship.

Overcoming Obsessive Images After the Affair

Step 4: Overcome Obsessive Images About the Affair

One of the most difficult problems to overcome when you are faced with an affair is the images that haunt you. You might suffer from visual images of your partner with the paramour, a soundtrack that runs through your head and reminds you of the affair, or other mental reconstructions of what happened during the affair. These can be haunting and frustrating.

Inside Dr. Gunzburg’s program you will quickly cope with them and disable the mechanisms by which they hold sway over you. Based on the science of cognitive-behavioral psychology, Dr. Gunzburg will walk you through a very effective and powerful visualization exercise starting on page 33 of the program.

Remember, this image is just an image. You have control over your mind if you take control of it. These images are under your influence; they do not run on their own. Empower yourself; take control of your mind.

Step 3: Clear Your Mind and Own Your Thoughts

Clearing your mind consists of more than coping with your emotions. You also have to learn how to deal with your irrational negative thoughts so you can take control of your mind.

If you want to overcome the pain you are feeling right now, you need to address both of these parts of your psychology. Inside Section 2, Dr. Gunzburg will provide a 3-step method for helping you take control of the thoughts so that you will feel less insecure and unstable.

Starting in Section 2, page 27 you will learn how to use the following 3-step process to clear your mind and own your thoughts. In addition, you can use the companion workbook starting on page 17 to record your answers.

1. Track your thoughts.

2. Challenge the believability of your thoughts.

3. Use self-affirmations.

Through this process you will start taking a closer look at your thinking by tracking your thoughts.

Once you do that, you can develop the troubling thoughts into more rational and realistic positive self-affirmations. Then you can use these self-affirmations to reinforce what you know to be true and to free yourself from the plague of negative thinking whenever it arises.

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Step 2: Process Your Painful Emotions Effectively

Once you identify what you are feeling, you can start to process these emotions.

Your emergency tool kit for getting yourself into a better head space is the key to unlocking effective emotional coping.

The following skills are part this emergency kit starting on page 22 of How to Survive an Affair.

• Breathing

• Distracting yourself

• Taking care of yourself

• Talking it out with a friend

• Getting out of the house or office

• Exercising

When you feel yourself getting buried in your emotions, use any of these techniques to help you cope with them more effectively so you can move on with your life and the work you need to do in rebuilding your relationship.

I will be highlighting portions of the 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan in the next few blog posts.
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Step 1: Get in Touch with Your Pain

More excerpts from 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan:

PHASE I HIGHLIGHTS:

For the Injured (How to Survive an Affair addresses both the injured and the cheater)

Step 1: Get in Touch with Your Pain

It is possible to stop feeling what you are feeling right now, but you can’t run away from your feelings; you have to go through them.

To give you a head start, you will likely face the following eight heart-wrenching emotions when you are confronted with the knowledge of the affair:

(These are explained in detail on pages 18-21 of How to Survive an Affair)

• Betrayal                     • Vengefulness

• Guilt                         • Fear

• Disappointment         • Frustration

• Anger                        • Paranoid Feelings

Defining your emotional responses to the affair empowers you to take action and to overcome these difficult emotions so you can heal. You have to know what you are feeling before you can effectively cope with your feelings.

I will be highlighting portions of the free PDF Report 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan in the next few blog posts. Receive the full report.

Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Healing and Sorting through Emotional Problems

Excerpt From: 21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan

Phase 1: Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Healing and Sorting through Emotional Problems

Phase I is all about you. And when I say you, I mean whoever is reading the book. This phase (as well as most of the book) will focus primarily on the injured because he or she is the one who has the most emotional turmoil to work through. However, there are specific sections in this phase for both the injured and the cheater. The cheater will probably benefit from reading the injured person’s sections and the injured person will probably benefit from reading the cheater’s section, although it is not necessary.

When people are affected by infidelity, their first instincts are to look for reasons that the affairs happened. They want to know the details of the affairs. They want to know why their loved one did what they did. They want to know if they will ever be able to trust their partner again.

This is what Dr. Gunzburg calls “externalizing.” Externalizing means that people are looking outside of themselves for answers to emotional issues that are happening within them. When you first start working on your relationship after an affair, the first thing Dr. Gunzburg teaches you inside his program is how to look within yourself.

You need to stop trying to figure out the other person; you need to be honest about your own thoughts and feelings concerning the affair; and you need to shift your perspective from the outside to the inside, from the external to the internal.

Not only will Phase I help you take a good honest look at what is going on for you, it also will give you a lot of concrete strategies that will help you cope with and overcome your troubling thoughts and feelings.

Rest assured; inside Dr. Gunzburg’s program you will get to the other things you are worried about. We will look outside as well. We will ask the hard questions. But first you need to look within. That’s what Phase I is all about.

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Choose One: Get rid of the images? Will he cheat again? How I trust again? How do I forgive? Talk about the details?